PLEASE HELP ME!!! NOT A JOKE!!! IN NEED OF HELP!!!?

My name is mallory. i had an abusive childhood. i developed severe depression and manic depression when i was ten as well as suicidal tendancies. i started self harming when i was twelve. im 16 years old. 1) i CANNOT get over my depression. im taking meds and talking to a therapist and i ALWAYS feel the same. i almost always think about killing myself. 2) i CANNOT, REPEAT, CANNOT stop cutting myself. i have mutilated my left arm to the point where i can barely make a fist. and i cant stop no matter what. people give me coping methods but none of them work! i cant stop. i want to and i realize im hurting people i love but i CANT STOP! 3) i sometimed get absence seizures. i hear a music box in my head then i just zone out and then i dont remember anything from the past five minutes. only my dad knows about the seizures. the rest of my family knows im suicidal and im an object of family gossip. so its a secret. how can i control it?? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP I AM NOT AN EMO FAKER IM A REAL GIRL AND I NEED HELP!!!!!!!